They're just jealous because I seen "Porky's" 27 times this week.

To set the record straight, I doubt very much that anything coming out of a toaster could rightfully be called "strudel."

To SY or not to SY.

So I just bought this.

Homo Sapiens have outlived their use.

So anyone who knows me more than reasonably well knows that I'm a little superstitious. Actually, incredibly superstitious. You know, now that I think about it, for a guy who ostensibly believes in rational argument, proof, naturalism, yada yada yada, I'm really incredibly, unnaturally superstitious.

Especially when it comes to the doctor's office. I mean, look, superstition when it comes to games, or sports, or good grades, or whatever, that's one thing. But when the doctor is involved, you just don't screw around, people. Once a precedent is set, you go with it. Do not deviate. For example, since I've been to the doctor's office nine times in the last two months, I have built myself up into a nice set of rountines that well, are absolutely essential to my health and well-being. Here's something of a rundown.

1. No phone calls the day of the appointment until after the appointment is over.
2. Always take the same (or roughly the same route) to the office. To Hillcrest, it's 30th, University, Washington. I don't even want to think about what would happen if I took Pershing, the 5, Washington. Chills. At SHS, always enter by the West door, never the East door!! This is crucial.
3. Always listen to the same song on your iPod while walking from car to office. This is crucial. If iPod is unavailable, it is essential to hum said song, although this is not ideal. I'm not going to tell you what the song is, lest I be made fun of mercilessly.
4. Always listen to the same song on your iPod while walking back from the office. This is to ensure safe passage from the last doctor's appointment to the next one. This is especially important if it was a good appointment. Again, no dice on what the song is. This is the least crucial one, of course, because the appointment has already past. But it enhances the effects of complying with the other demands.

And fuck you people who say that these things don't mean anything because I finally got my clean bill of health today, FUCKERZZZ!! (Knocking on wood.) Apparently, my --------iogram turned out perfectly normal. The ticker is, as they say, not perfect but workable.

Sweet. Hopefully the number of doctor's appointments in my future will decrease considerably.

I don't want to even think about what would have happened had I taken the 5. Bullet dodged, baby. Bullet dodged.

It's the freakiest show.

Sick.

Again.

This time with what my doctor referred to as "viral gastro-entoritis". Basically "the flu". I'm not really puking anymore, which is awesome, but I spent some time with an IV drip over at student health yesterday. The flu is tricky business for diabetics: you must stay hydrated, lest you risk ketoacidosis, and you can't really take any insulin, because you might be barfing up all the sugar you eat to compensate. Also you can't really drink fluids, because, you know, the puking thing. Hence the IV.

However, the doctor did give me some anti-nausea pills, and they're kicking ass, especially since they're basically a sedative. Took one last night at around 7pm, and was out by 9. Woke up at 2, wide awake. Read about 50 pages of "Eight Men Out", took another, slept until 9:30.

I hope I'm better by Monday. I start teaching that day. I actually hope I'm better by tomorrow so I know what I'm going to say on Monday. I haven't been able to do any work since I came down with this dashed illness. Although I have gotten a lot of movie-watching in:

The Three Buriels of Melquiadas Estrada (didn't actually finish it. was bored to tears)
Disk 1 of Season 5 of the Simpsons (Shows AND Shows + Commentary)
What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (good.)
High Plains Difter (still deliberating on this one.)

By tomorrow morning I will have watched:

The Fog of War
Incident at Loch Ness

Dang it. I need to get some work done. This sick crap is getting on my freaking nerves. Me and some colleagues were supposed to go wine tasting yesterday, but that totally didn't work, as I would have been upchucking Sangiovese all the way home.

Work tomorrow. That's the plan. Work work work.

You're drivin' your momma and papa insane.

Drinking alone again tonight. This time it's a bottle of $4.99 spanish vino from Ray's Liquor Center. I probably could have gotten this bottle for $2.99 at Trader Joe's. Or I could have potentially traded a bag of magic beans for it. Or real beans. And not that many of them. The wine's not great. But it does have booze in it, so it appears to be doing all the essential deeds. These days a couple of glasses of wine and I'm dancing topless on the table.

I just finished watching some crappy Wim Wenders movie called "The End of Violence." It was crappy. What is up with Wim Wenders?!?! Why do his movies blow chunks?? I couldn't stand that other one of his movies, I'm forrgettting the name right now. But "Until the End of the World," theough the music was sweet0-ass, the movie super-sucked. I ask you: what is up with Wim Wenders and his crappy-ass movies??

I also rented two other movies from Citizen Video, given that it's three-fer tuesday. (That's only funny if you're from Lawrence, Kansas. But if you're from Lawrence, it's hilarious.) I got "The Three Buriels of Melquiades Estrada" or "Mequeliadas Estrada" or "Michelob Estrada" or however that guy's name is spelled and/or pronounced. Also "The Night Porter." I got the last one mainly because it has a sexy picture of Charlotte Rampling on the cover, though she is wearing a Nazi uniform (or parts of a Nazi uniform). I guess that detracts from the overall sexiness of the picture. But it's still pretty sexy. I hope the movie's good. I suppose I could just stare at the picture for 122 minutes.

But I have a hunch that Wim Wenders could have all the sexy Charlotte Ramlings in the world in his mvoies, and they'd still be crappy. But that's just a hunch. A mere supposition. A fully falisifiable hypothesisiosis.

There has surely got to be some sort of techno-mashup word for drunk blogging. How about "drogging?" No. Blunking? Eh...maybe. Sounds to much like "spelunking." Shitfacelogging? Mmm...too many letters, I suspect. Wastelogging? Whatever. There's probably some word out there already. I'm not qualified to come up with all of these words on my own, people. Why don't you people try shouldering the dang load every once in awhile?!? "Drugging?" Maybe. It sounds a little like what Alex De Large used to do in A Clockwork Orange. Oh, and I guess it's exactly the same word as "drugging," meaning to take drugs. I give up.

End transmission.