I thought of all the different ways I had to make you groan.

It was not my finest karaoke hour. So was suggested to me by the Turtle, who had acquitted him nicely via spendid renditions of "Baby One More Time," "Particle Man," and some song I don't remember. It didn't start off so well for me. During an impromptu dance move during "Hip to Be Square," my glasses flew into the front row of spectators/strangers, and I couldn't exactly decide whether I wanted to do "Delirious" falsetto or standard. Also, "Delirious" was the album version, and not the single version, which includes a lengthy instrumental break, only to return for another five utterances of "Delirious!"

I was finally able to pull it together for "Just a Gigolo," with the help of an ounce or two of quite possibly the worst Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey I had ever tasted. Normally when you ask for "bourbon" at the bar, you get something in the Jim Beam/Early Times range. This was definitely Evan Williams or worse. Could have been Zachary Boone. Could have been gasoline. That's what you get for ordering bourbon at the bowling alley. (The Turtle helped me get revenge by carrying out his normal karaoke MO, i.e., bringing a hip flask full of Maker's Mark and using the bar's glasses.) But apparently, during JaG, Math Rock started dancing with a woman/monster dressed in a "Super Star" wifebeater. She was attempting to monsterhandle him, and he was attempting to extricate himself. Turned into a comedy number. Not that the David Lee Roth version of that song isn't a comedy number, but I'm just sayin's all.

I went home early, almost directly after some chucklehead attempted a version of "Just Like Heaven". Now, I know not everybody spent their entire high school careers listening to this song and memorizing every vocal inflection, but this guy clearly didn't have it. I'm almost willing to guarantee he had heard the song but once, possibly at somebody's wedding. Possibly while drunk. Not that the screen was helping him out much. I counted no fewer than ten lyrics errors, some of them mildly annoying ("you, lost and lonely" becomes "you look lost and lonely"), ("daylight licked me into shape" becomes "daylight whipped me into shape"), to the obnoxious ("stole the only girl I loved" became "sank the only girl I loved"), to the downright eroticized ("I had to make you glow" became "I had to make you groan"; what is this, a Prince song? Groan!). Went home early and got some dang sleep for once.