They come a' runnin' just as fast as they can.

It's been a phenomenon throughout my young life that I've had the staggering ability to piss people off through no fault of my own. Around me, misunderstandings abound. For some reason either I have a tendency to irk people when they're in some sort of mood, or don't make my intentions totally clear, or whatever, but it seems as though I'm always making somebody mad for whom I bear no ill-will whatsoever.

Highlights of this phenomenon include:

1. The time I pissed off the lead singer of Hot Stove Jimmy. Before our set (and right after theirs), I said (at the mic) that it was against Dr. Castrato house rules for jerk guys to bug and annoy women. The HSJ lead singer thought I was referring to him and his attempts to get a couple of girls to dance during their set. In fact, I was referring to some asshole who was getting a little touchy-feely with my girlfriend at the time.

2. The time that Mr. Trumpet Greg High threatened to shove a music stand up my ass. Apparently he was in some sort of a mood, and I turned around in rehearsal to watch him give a solo. Little did I know that looking at him while he gives solos is a cardinal sin. Following rehearsal, I got the invitation to have a music stand deposited where the sun don't shine. He (much) later apologized.

3. More recent examples include the time I sent around an email to the other grad students in our department attempting to quell fears of faculty leaving (fears that were, as it turned out, justified). J. suggested in an email that I was being a "fucking asshole." This confused me. Turns out he was in a mood. He later apologized.

4. This weeked - during our latest softball drubbing, I was joshing my teammates about allowing 20 or so runs with two outs in an inning. A. thought I wasn't joshing. This turns out not to be a failure on his part. I have a tendency to be unduly hard on myself when I screw up; he was probably thinking that I was displaying the same level of frustration with the team in general. In any event, the miscommunication was (I hope) later resolved.

I don't know why this has a tendency to happen to me. Maybe I should be a little less cryptic about my non-ill-will-bearing intentions toward other people. Except when I do bear them ill-will. Yeah. That's right. You know who you are.