I wanna do this in a way so as not to offend or unnerve.

I advanced to candidacy today. In fact, about ten minutes ago.

DALE'S FRIEND
What does that mean?

DALE
That means I'm now a Ph.D. candidate.

DF
Weren't you before? I mean, weren't you in a Ph.D. program?

D
I was, but before I was a mere graduate student. Now I'm a Ph.D. candidate.

DF
Well, what's the difference? What makes you so bloody awesome?

D
My advisors just approved my dissertation topic.

DF
Didn't they do that already, like, last year?

D
Well, yeah, but this time it's official.

DF
So before it was just unofficial? What does that mean?

D
Well, you know, forms and all that.

DF
So you're getting all excited because you get to fill out forms?

D
SHUT UP!

DF
You know, I'm really just you masquerading as the voice of some miscellaneous 'friend'.

D
SHUT UP SHUT UP!

DF
I mean, I don't even have a name. I'm just labeled as 'friend'. Do you think your actual friends just name themselves as a function of being your friend?

D
Well, don't they?