But when I kissed the cop down at 34th and Vine, he took my little bottle of Love Potion No. 9.
It's been an indecisive day. My current condition (still recovering from surgery), combined with my new condition (possible problems with the ol' ticker), conspired to make it so. I had a doctor's appointment at precisely 8 fucking AM today, which took a reasonably long time, but it still left me on campus with very little to do from 9:30 on. I had heard that there was some sort of beer-thingy going on at the campus bar tonight, so I desperately wanted to go to that (stir-craziness, the explanans). So I figured I would be on campus working and whatnot from, oh, the morning until 6ish, when these beer-thingies usually get started.
How wrong I was.
The beer thing apparently starts at a jovial 8:30. So do I sit here and wait? Or do I go home? Does my current condition compel me to take a shower to wash off any grossness from the day? If so, do I really want to go all the way home to shower and come all the way back for the beer thingy? Or is there some closer shower that doesn't cost a $25 summer rec fee to use? And am I getting hungry?
It was the last question that led to the biggest adventure.
I decided that I desperately needed one of those $0.75 bags of peanuts from the vending machine on the 2nd floor. That would just about do it. Cure the grumbling, as it were. Add bounce to the ounce. But when I went all the way downstairs to get said bag, I discovered that I had imprudently squandered the necessary quarter on a game of "Police Academy Training" at the gameroom. Chastened, I went back upstairs.
All I really needed was a nickel. Five damn cents. After an hour of increasing hungriness, I remembered: Mr. Officemate keeps a whole pile of chump change in his desk! Woohoo! A little petty larceny later, I hurry down the elevator to try my hand at those peanuts. Dashed again! Some fool had pushed in the "Money Return" button until it stuck in the "Return" position. Putting change in the slot was a useless gesture, as it fluttered uselessly to the steel-encased return chamber. But I needed those peanuts. So I worked at the button, attempting to loosen it. Pushing, pulling, inserting keys into, etc., etc. Finally, success.
Dashed again again! The machine was unplugged.
Dare I trudge all the way over to the Old Student Center, and its lone vending machine, in search of these Greek Tragedy-like nuts which are always within my sight but never my grasp? Yes! After nearly doubling over with hunger, I finally reach my goal. A plugged-in, non-tampered machine. I insert a nickel. YES! It registers. A quarter. YES! The readout proudly declares: .30. Another quarter. NOOO! It falls through to the bottom. But wait. What's this? The register reads: .55! Hah! Karma repaid! A quarter returned and read! Finally, I reach a .75 readout, while retaining $.30 in change (it happened again, with the aforementioned nickel). A bag of peanuts: check! An extra nickel with which to repay Mr. Officemate: check!
And that's when I saw the three full bags of free bagels from the Co-op.
How wrong I was.
The beer thing apparently starts at a jovial 8:30. So do I sit here and wait? Or do I go home? Does my current condition compel me to take a shower to wash off any grossness from the day? If so, do I really want to go all the way home to shower and come all the way back for the beer thingy? Or is there some closer shower that doesn't cost a $25 summer rec fee to use? And am I getting hungry?
It was the last question that led to the biggest adventure.
I decided that I desperately needed one of those $0.75 bags of peanuts from the vending machine on the 2nd floor. That would just about do it. Cure the grumbling, as it were. Add bounce to the ounce. But when I went all the way downstairs to get said bag, I discovered that I had imprudently squandered the necessary quarter on a game of "Police Academy Training" at the gameroom. Chastened, I went back upstairs.
All I really needed was a nickel. Five damn cents. After an hour of increasing hungriness, I remembered: Mr. Officemate keeps a whole pile of chump change in his desk! Woohoo! A little petty larceny later, I hurry down the elevator to try my hand at those peanuts. Dashed again! Some fool had pushed in the "Money Return" button until it stuck in the "Return" position. Putting change in the slot was a useless gesture, as it fluttered uselessly to the steel-encased return chamber. But I needed those peanuts. So I worked at the button, attempting to loosen it. Pushing, pulling, inserting keys into, etc., etc. Finally, success.
Dashed again again! The machine was unplugged.
Dare I trudge all the way over to the Old Student Center, and its lone vending machine, in search of these Greek Tragedy-like nuts which are always within my sight but never my grasp? Yes! After nearly doubling over with hunger, I finally reach my goal. A plugged-in, non-tampered machine. I insert a nickel. YES! It registers. A quarter. YES! The readout proudly declares: .30. Another quarter. NOOO! It falls through to the bottom. But wait. What's this? The register reads: .55! Hah! Karma repaid! A quarter returned and read! Finally, I reach a .75 readout, while retaining $.30 in change (it happened again, with the aforementioned nickel). A bag of peanuts: check! An extra nickel with which to repay Mr. Officemate: check!
And that's when I saw the three full bags of free bagels from the Co-op.
posted by dd0031 at 5:34 PM
1 Comments:
i liked this story
something about the futility of man.
heartwarming.
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